A break up is never a fun thing to go through, so it makes sense that we avoid it like the plague even when the road gets rocky in our relationships. Truthfully, that’s not a bad thing. Having an attitude where you are choosing to fix your relationship over ending it is a wonderful way to look at things. But no matter how you spin it, some things just aren’t meant to last forever. In the age of “leave before you’re left” and put yourself first, how can we navigate relationships in a healthy way? How do we know what it’s really time to call it quits?
The answer may seem more complicated than it really is. You must leave when you are no longer willing to choose your partner. There are certain realities we need to be willing to confront when it comes to relationships. Every relationship will experience turmoil. Every couple will argue, every couple will face hardships and every person will at some point not “feel” in love. You can deny it as much as you want, but it’s the truth. At the end of the day, it comes down to being able to say 3 words, “I choose you.”
When all the feelings have faded (and trust me, they will) and you’re no longer obsessed with your partner the way you once were, relationships may begin to feel less natural. Once you reach the point where attractiveness and sweet words aren’t enough, you have to actually build a relationship on something solid. The most important piece of that puzzle is that you are choosing your partner. You realize there are other guys out there, but you pick him and commit yourself to exclusively picking him no matter how rocky things get.
There is no issue (outside of abuse or repeated cheating) that is good enough in itself to end your relationship. If an argument, financial struggles, family issues or attitudes make you feel like you should leave, you weren’t really committed to begin with. Any challenge can be conquered, so long as you are still making the conscious decision to choose your partner. No, you won’t necessarily wake up next to them every day and think about how amazing they are and how in love with them you feel because successful relationships are not that shallow. Sometimes love is just not enough. That’s where the real challenge is and where the true relationships are separated from the surface level ones.
So to answer this question, you can rest assured it’s time to say goodbye when you longer can bring yourself to choose the person you’re with. Relationships are hard work and unless you’re married, you have all the freedom in the world to decide who is worth that effort for you. Don’t waste your time (or anyone else’s) with relationships where you are not consistently and unconditionally choosing to love the person you’re with.
It is simply wrong to stay with someone who you no longer choose. If you don’t see them as a priority, if you don’t care about them anymore or if you don’t see them for everything they’re worth, staying with them is not fair to either of you. Everyone deserves to be happy and loved. Although it might seem scary or wrong to break someone’s heart, holding on to them can do even more damage. It’s true that any relationship is fixable if both parties want it to be. However, if you no longer see the investment and beauty in your partner, do what’s right and let them go find the person who will.
More About the Author
Gillian is a 20-something writer from Toronto, ON. She is a writer and editor for Unwritten and regularly contributes to multiple other projects and platforms. Aside from writing, she enjoys; reading, COFFEE, music, spending time with her husband, obsessing over her pets, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.